Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Different (II)

  I’m not normal, not in any way. Nor do I desire to be. I’m proud to say that I’m so far removed from this current «human» society I possibly can be and still be a shameful part of it. I work day and night to undermine and destroy it. I want to help and contribute to humanity, not this destruction of it, this destruction of everything making life worth living.
  Most of the characters I write about are somewhat equal to that, in various ways, of course. Everybody enjoying my novels will know that beyond certainty.
  A friend of mine reacted strongly when I called him abnormal some years ago, acting like it was the worst kind of insult, even though he knew me and knew I was in truth praising him. That disappointed me and I told him so. He showed that he hasn't truly freed himself from conventions and conditioning, when he exposed himself as one accepting the twisted language and double speak of the oppressor.
  I wouldn't claim that I have completely freed myself either. That would be presumptuous, dishonest and self-deceiving. I’m afraid I will always be tainted by the normalcy in the society of my birth. I dislike that fact very much, but the truth is the truth. I can only keep working with myself to further improve myself, to further remove myself from the tyranny of mind and body and its rule as much as possible.
  Most people, buckling under the pressure of social conventions become more conservative the older they get, but I am happy to say that I become more radical with each passing day. I reject normalcy, reject acceptance with everything I am and I spit on its defenders.
  It feels good to know that, to be confident that I will always fight against normalcy and its tyranny, its casual acceptance of horrors beyond horrors. There is joy in rebellion, both because of the pure, desperate necessity of it and because you follow one of your most primal callings. Most people give up and give in even before they try, often long before they become half my current age. Experience has taught me that I never will!

  I want to live and die with a defiant cry on my lips, and never stop embracing the eternal fire within.

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