Saturday, May 10, 2014

Fascinating

  I had a fascinating and inspiring time in town last night. Through both coincidence and as a result of the interesting life I lead, I met up with a representative for a group of people and artists and was quickly pretty much convinced we can be of great mutual benefit to each other.
  We had wine and hot food, did paintings, listened to music and showed videos and talked about lots of inspiring stuff concerning our potentially common future.
  My trip home wasn't bad either. I remember myself walking in the park in the city. Then I didn't recall anything until I sat on the bus far north on the island where I live, far beyond the point where I was supposed to have stepped off the bus…
  Fortunately the bus was supposed to return to the city after reaching the end stop and the driver was kind enough to let me ride with him, until it reached the point further south on the island closest to my home. I stepped off the bus there and made the hour-long walk home. It didn't feel like an effort, not like an effort at all. My body was practically flying, and my mind was, too.
  A great ending to a creative evening.

  The subject of the blackout has always been very fascinating to me. A person may move, talk and behave pretty much like he or she usually does, but won’t recall anything during a given time period. Those accompanying him or her won’t notice anything.
  The first time I had a blackout during the influence of strong liquor was in my early teens. I could prove it to myself that it had actually happened because I was filmed doing lots of stuff I had no recollection of doing.
  I haven’t had that many during four decades, four, perhaps five altogether. It is strange. I can be pissed drunk and experience it, and not drink very much and there it is.
  It does make you wonder, inevitably: what you may have actually done during the time of blackout. Experience tells me, as stated that you don’t do anything out of the ordinary. I was able to catch the bus, the right bus, even though I probably truly fell asleep at some point and missed the necessary bus change.
  I moved, analyzed and did everything right, even if I clearly wasn't fully conscious. Then I truly fell asleep, I guess, and I wonder, once again, also philosophically speaking, what is the difference between being awake and asleep, and where the middle ground is, where one ends and the other begins.
  We know, through research that there is no fixed moment when you are «awake» or «asleep». The brain turns itself off one section at the time. A fairly long time before you are actually sleeping, as most people define it, most of the sections may be turned off.
  What is consciousness? What is it truly? We don’t know, not really. We keep guessing, but no one gets it quite right, it seems.

  It is a mystery as big as the Universe itself.

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